Pandora's Box

As a man in his 20's searching for the person he wants to be, I often reflect on the experiences that created who I am today.

Today, I am a software engineer. I enjoy what I do, yet in my personal life, I find myself increasingly disillusioned with the state of Tech. For much of human history, innovations offered a pathway for people to improve their lives. Now, it feels like the most prevalent technologies either distract us from what truly matters or exist solely as a vehicle for profit. Suffice it to say, I was not always this cynical. In fact, in my youth, much of my happiness stemmed from digital technology.

Out of Curiosity, Pandora Opens the Box

When I was twelve, I discovered how to jailbreak¹ my iPhone 4. That very night, instead of sleeping, I spent countless hours hidden under my blanket tinkering with the design of the home screen. I could change the layout of apps, experiment with various themes, or even add custom screen transitions. My child self was overwhelmed by the seemingly infinite possibilities at my fingertips.

The following school day, my poor decision caught up to me as I struggled to keep my eyes open in class. To noone's surprise, this feeble consequence did not deter me from pursuing my new obsession. Whether it be on the car ride home, at church, or wherever I found myself to be, I would spend all my time browsing Cydia², foraging for cool packages to try. Unbeknownst to little Anjie, the honeymoon period would soon end.

Around that time, newer iPhones shipped with a voice assistant, "Siri", that replaced the Voice Controls interface their predecessors had. Wanting to try out this exciting new feature for myself, I searched Cydia relentlessly. After only a few minutes, I finally found one and, without a second thought, clicked install. After the installation was done, I was prompted to restart my phone.

Staring at the blinding Apple logo, I waited.

...

and waited.

...

My phone would not start up.

Absolute Devastation. Whoever published that package probably had a good chuckle at the expense of a child who had barely seen his thirteenth summer. Thirteen summers to find my life's calling, and it all came crashing down with just the press of a button.

sigh

After several fruitless attempts at salvaging my phone, I reluctantly accepted the futility of the endeavor. In the end, I factory reset the phone... and promptly went back to tinkering. The experience, albeit discouraging, was one of my first true tastes of technological curiosity.

And I loved it.

Jailbreaking my iPhone, building my own computer, pursuing a Computer Science degree. At first, I was purely a consumer — satisfying in its own right. But, when I was able to put my own ideas, my own being, into these mediums, it was an entirely new satisfaction. I suspect, for younger me, it provided a place where I felt like I was in control³, something that was often sparse in the rest of my life.

Those initial sparks of sincere curiosity ignited the nurturing flame that birthed my career in the tech industry.

Sickness, Death, Misery, and the Lot

It is without a doubt that technology has defined my life up until now. From the work place to my home, my heart beats at the rhythm that technology dictates. And even after all this time, there is still that kid inside me who is awestruck, mouth agape, when seeing the coolest new doohickey. Yet, silently festering within me is a less enthusiastic voice.

On Novelty

I no longer get the same fulfillment from new things. When I was exploring and learning the world, everything new was so pure, so exciting. Now, as an arrogant young man, everything new suddenly challenges my world view. The child that used to seek novelty grew into the adult that desires stability.

When I look back, perhaps with the rose-tinted glasses that was my naivete, it felt like every incremental advancement pushed the boundaries of human capabilities. It was as if, through sheer human spirit, we found a way to carve a memory of our existence into cosmos. Now that Tech itself is a leading industry, the loudest ideas feel so soulless — no longer pushing the boundaries of human achievement, but numbers on a stock exchange.

On Social Media

Today, we have more information available in our pockets than any library had 50 years ago. Amazing, but also frightening. Any niche interest or hobby has an unfathomable amount of content for every level: beginner to professional. You can learn who invented the umbrella, how many types of beetles there are, or even what color the inside of a bowling ball is. We are more united as a planet than ever before. Education and social mobility is more accessible than ever before. But, could there be such a thing as too much information?

[!QUOTE] "Comparison is the thief of joy"

— Theodore Roosevelt

Social media apps are some of the most valuable products of all time. Yet, they are "free". They operate at no monetary cost to the user because of how valuable our collective attention is. And, if our attention is so valuable, shouldn't we be more intentional on what we choose to invest it in?

Nowadays, you can go online, and without even trying, see the most beautiful, wealthiest, and most successful people. Suddenly, that promotion you worked really hard for doesn't seem that impressive. You look at yourself in the mirror and find flaws where you used to see individuality. You think back on all your failures, all your missed opportunities, all those times your everything simply wasn't enough. In isolation, your life may be fine. But what does it matter if you don't feel that way.

Maybe it is okay not to know everything.

On Artificial Intelligence

At my job, I work closely with AI. Outside work, I occasionally speak to someone who is terrified of what AI could do to their livelihood. I feel for them, yet I have difficulty looking into their eyes. My mind races as an internal conflict rages.

Why do we care so much about productivity? It seems we've reached a point where the value is no longer in the reward, but the hustle. Instead of letting things simmer, we continue to stir. What happened to taking a step and looking back?

Why does number need to go up? Will number going up solve world hunger? Will number going up cure cancer? Will number going up stop global conflicts? Will number going up provide the purpose that you spent your whole life looking for?

People who do not adapt will be left behind. This has always been the case. This will always be the case. But why, again, is this the case?

Is our purpose on this Earth to make our own lives better at the expense of others?

Who will speak for me when I'm the one left behind?

But Elpis, Alone, Remained Inside

We measure past events not by the journey, but by the destination. I am no exception. As a collective, we have always had a rather romantic view of our own history. Blood-drenched wars become clashes of ideology, involuntary human sacrifices become medical innovations, men become giants. When we compare these idealized notions of the past to the realities of the present, things can look bleak. In a hundred years, I may be an unknown casualty along the journey that we currently find ourselves in.

Even so, I hope that my cynical view of modern technology is unfounded. I hope things get better. For, as a nobody who still has a lot to lose, what else can I do, but hope?